I’ve been away in Florida for the past 9 days.  With the kids, and the Hubster, visiting the in-laws.  Who were, by the way, gracious and generous enough to allow Landeaux and me to head down to Key West for three nights, sans little beasties.  And while I was there, I kept thinking about doing a Pandoration post called 25 Random Things About Jane’s Trip To Key West.  There is just one little problem… The whole 25 Random Things thing?  OMG, it’s just so last week.  Or two weeks ago, actually.  (and yes, of course I actually wrote one of these lists.  Duh!  But even I am not navel-gazing enough to publish it here).   There’s pretty much nothing left to say about this Facebook craziness gone super-viral.  (which is a shame,  I probably had plenty to say about it, ha ha)

But my mini-break in Key West?  Still plenty to say, and it’s not old news yet!  So here I am, using this worn out trend to tell you all about the adults only part of my vacation…

  1.  Margaritas.

  2.  Mojitos.

3.  Coronas.

4.  Eat.  Drink.  Shop.  Repeat.

5.  Skinny beautiful people in shorts, tanks, tiny sundresses, and bikinis are an incentive to get even Jane back to the gym.

6.  Best on the street key lime pie: Blonde Giraffe Key Lime Pie Factory.

7.  Combo ticket to see The Hemingway House and Little White House (Truman House).  They only tell you this at the Little White House, not at Hemingway’s House.  Buyer beware, especially if you are going to see the Hemingway House first.  (wow, was Landeaux cheesed!)

8.  Those six toed cats, descended from Ernest Hemingway’s actual cats, are still hanging out at his house.  The sixth "toe" on a few of them apparently is an opposable digit, which they use to feed themselves (!), and open latches.  The superstitious Hemingway believed they brought sailors good luck.  They are on T-Shirts, mugs and other assorted paraphernalia all over Key West.  

9.  Speaking of paraphernalia, Key West has head shops.  Living as I do in NJ, I haven’t really seen too many of these since cutting high school to take the train into New York.  This was rather amusing to me.  Damn, some of those contraptions looked really complicated.

10.  Buy a model lighthouse for your lighthouse obsessed son at the Key West Lighthouse Gift Shop and your purchase will help the Lighthouse Preservation Society.  Buy the same model lighthouse at one of the gazillion touristy, tchotchke stores on Duval Street and save yourself  $10.00  (see Landeaux’s above reaction, heh heh heh…  by now,  he was really really cheesed)

11.  You can get an actual parking ticket when you park your motor scooter (isn’t there a cooler name for these things?  they aren’t really mopeds.  motor scooter sounds like what you drive to the club house in your retirement village on!) in a painted square that you thought was for scooters but is actually just a white painted square at a corner.   Right in front of the No Parking From Here To Corner sign that was hiding (really…  hiding!  I swear!) behind the palm fronds.  (this was the pinnacle of Landeaux’s cheesedness!  He was beyond cheesed).

12.  Cuba is actually not 90 miles from the Southernmost Point of Key West.  It is more like    98 +  miles…

13.  There are a gazillion Southernmost everythings in Key West… Southernmost Hotel.  Southernmost Motel.  Southernmost ice cream shop.  Southernmost Parrot Head Club (really!  I didn’t even make that one up!)  Southernmost House.  Southernmost parking spot.  Southernmost Masonic Lodge.  Southernmost Beach.  Southernmost Point, where you can be panhandled Southernmostly, by someone who has not been to the Southernmost Dentist in quite a while.   I’m guessing there is a Southernmost AA meeting somewhere down there as well…

14.  There is actually a line to get into Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville.   A big line.  Of course we gawked at the touristy line, and were not in it!

15.  All the historic bars have their own "mercantiles" or gift shops.  For reals.  Sloppy Joe’s.  Green Parrot.  Captain Tony’s.  All have next door gift shops.  And Hemingway drank in all of the above establishments.  (So did Jane and Landeaux.  Well actually we missed Sloppy Joes.  Of all the bars to miss, right?)  Do you think old Ernest wore a t-shirt with his own face on it hawking his favorite bar?  Speaking of which, his garden actually has a fountain that once was a urinal in the original Sloppy Joes, which is actually now Captain Tony’s.  Why is it in his garden?  Think about it, he must have literally (not literarily) pissed away a small fortune into that urinal.  

16.  Over this past President’s Weekend (also Valentine’s Weekend) there was some major Civil War reenactment stuff going on at Fort Zachary Taylor.  Three guesses as to how I came upon this information and the first two don’t count.  Or just ask Landeaux, historic site tourist extraordinaire.  I now know a lot more about Fort Zachary Taylor than I’d ever imagined.

17.  People in Civil War garb sometimes wear Crocs.  All I wanted to know is if they were "period" Crocs.

18.  Key West does not usually get blanketed in major fog.  Of course this happened while we were there.  People who live there couldn’t get over the fog, saying things like, "it’s as if it snowed here, that’s how unusual it is", and "I’ve been here for 25 years, never seen anything like it!"  Keep in mind that when we were on the Keys last winter, it was actually the two coldest days of 2008.  Our motel concierge refuses to make a reservation for us for next year.  

19.  A ginormous cruise ship can actually disappear in the very dense fog that suddenly blows in from the sea and blankets a small tropical town.  seriously.  just disappear.  like a ghost ship or something. 

20.   When the cruise ships are docked, the owners of all the touristy tchotchke, t-shirt stores down by Mallory Square will seriously bargain with you.  this would be the best time to buy those souvenir lighthouses.  (and t-shirts, hats, sunglasses, shot glasses, snow shakers and flip flops, but that is besides the point).  

21.  There is a lot of karaoke in Key West.  A lot.  Really.  

22.  Roosters are the pigeons of Key West.  They are everywhere, crowing noisily.  These are beautifully plumed roosters, bred for fighting and good looks.  Apparently when they stopped cock-fighting there, the roosters had no place else to go.  

23.  You can have a decent and not expensive meal (at the Southernmost Cafe, natch) overlooking a small beach where Tennessee Williams swam most mornings, and wrote.  

24.  There are a lot of funny, funny T-shirts available in those touristy shops.  Please tell your breasts to stop staring at my eyes.  I only have one drink a day, at this point I’m five months ahead!  I’m not drunk, I’m always loud, uncoordinated and extra-friendly!  I’m not 40, I’m 18 with 22 years experience.  If you think I’m a bitch, you should meet my daughter!  (and no, I didn’t buy that one!)   

25.  Did I mention the margaritas, mojitos, and Coronas?  And the great seafood?  And the margaritas, mojitos, and Coronas?  And that it was WARM…. And there were palm trees and flowers.  And beautiful boys and girls to look at?  And pretty, brightly colored tropical houses?  And oh yes, the Southernmost margaritas, Southernmost mojitos, and Southernmost Coronas…

Rumor has it, Lizzie once had a wild Sister Weekend in Key West…